The solution to feeling uncomfortable when eating sugary food is not to avoid the foods or go on another diet, it’s to face why you are feeling uncomfortable eating it head on.
I’m back on my sugar topic, as it is an area I struggle with, and most people with food issues do too. I had a difficult few eating days, where I have resumed binging on sweet goods after months of not binging at all. I’ve learnt to cope with these episodes, but now I’ve started again I can’t, or don’t want to stop. The old thought patterns of resentment for the behaviour, and ‘if only’s start up.
I keep repeating to myself that:
- This too will pass
- I am a normal eater
And rather than avoiding the issue by thinking about another diet or avoiding sugar tomorrow or what to eat for lunch I ask myself two questions: “Why am I feeling this towards this food?” and “What am I feeling that is turning me towards this behaviour?”. Let’s address these questions below.
“Why am I feeling this towards this food?”
I’m worried I’m getting diabetes with the amount of sugar I sometimes eat. My diet goes through phases of healthy and ‘normal’ and bingey and disordered. But my years of being really rock bottom and how I managed to pull myself out of there have taught me how to cope with this. I shall not worry about the food itself, as I’ve taught myself that there is nothing objectively bad about it, but worry about coming to grips with my feelings around the issue instead, and know that I won’t fall apart when I try and do this.
“What am I feeling that is turning me towards this behaviour?”
Today, I noticed that I was in need of relief and excitement, and I turned to my ingrained ‘All or nothing’ attitude for a bit of a thrill. I knew that saying ‘What the hell’ to myself would allow me to feel relief and freedom, and make me say ‘so what’ to the feelings of guilt afterwards. I did eat too much sugar today, but I’ve attempted to forgive myself. Alongside my old residue binging behaviour, I’ve also done some non-food coping strategies, like writing this, and feeling my feelings.
I hope that in the future, when I feel like sinking back into eating disorder behaviours for some emotional reason, at least I will have another way of coping to try. Even if I turn to food anyway, gradually I should develop new behaviours that outweigh the old ones that aren’t serving me.
Just some thoughts, thank you for reading me again!