It’s amazing how we treat food and eating is all tied up with our deepest core beliefs. When I go into the depths of a relapse, as I admit I have done recently, I forget how the way I am treating food is a direct reflection of what I think about myself.
When I eat certain types of food, principally high carbohydrate, refined sugary goodies, it makes me feel dirty inside. Objectively, such foods make my mouth feel horrible, but I actually feel unclean in my soul. What is with that?
Food is just food. I know that it’s not a moral agenda and when I eat sugary food it just makes my mouth funny but I feel bad! It’s something I have to work on. I have two choices:
1. Stop eating foods that make me feel ‘dirty’ or ‘unclean’
2. Acknowledge that they make my mouth feel horrible, and choose to eat them whether I fancy that feeling or not.
I choose to do the latter. Food is not morally objectionable. It is something I need to keep hammering home.
Examining further, this implies that I hold a belief about myself that deep down I am unclean and therefore should only eat unclean foods. I know why this is, as I have a whole host of unresolved trauma in my past. But I have to first separate the food from this to deal with it properly.
I need to acknowledge that I am not unclean or unworthy, and start treating myself with respect. I need to act like I am worthy to believe it. What happened in the past wasn’t my fault. I need to look forward.
I hope this helps if anyone else is struggling with this issue. Comments welcome!