I still get sucked into my old disordered thoughts. I’m not going to lie, it’s painful.

I want to be one of those people who has ‘got it’ and been recovered for years. I yearn for the day when I don’t ever think about food in relation to eating disorders or even recovery, when it is simply a part of my day, no big deal.

I go through long periods of time when I am successful, and then plunge back head-long into the old cycles, the old thoughts, the old misery and pain. I go through affirmations, and try to turn my negativity around. I feel like such a failure, because here I am, trying to help you recover from eating problems and here I am still stuck in one.

Yet. 5243415212_4f77a271b8_b

I am now able to realise that this is still a residue of my disordered days, the food-crazy-monster sabotaging my thoughts. He’s big and green and ugly.

Instead of believing he is right and I should listen I don’t. He’s no way part of me, he’s a disease in my mind that needs to be got rid of for my mind to run its best.

So I argue with those thoughts, of failure and misery and try to rise above them. I tell myself I am above all that and am strong enough to step away, look away, and see love and life.

Love and life.

Love and life.

Love and life.

Let that be your mantra for getting the crazies out of your head.

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