Today I realised that it has been at least two weeks since I thought about my body or my weight. This is a major breakthrough for someone who used to judge their reflection and weigh themselves constantly!
I take this as a real success, because my life hasn’t changed all that much. I haven’t had anything new or exciting to take up my time and brain power, putting food and body on the backburner. When this happens, I normally go back to my old ways of thinking after the excitement has worn off. In actual fact, I’ve been at my most miserable over the last month, which is another story, but crucially I appear to have changed my brain pathways. I no longer turn to food to cope with stress and down times. Over the last month, the times when I have thought food would cheer me up, it was actually very difficult to eat it. I gave up trying to! On reflection, I’m very excited because several years ago I wouldn’t have thought it was possible!
It appears today that my attempts to focus on anything but food and weight have paid off. I launch myself into creative things when I am down. I talk to people. I don’t weigh myself or worrying that my trousers may or may not fit a certain way. I eat like a normal person – which is without a great deal of thought or guilt or baggage – most of the time.
But like any journey, there are setbacks and old ways return. I am still insecure, and sometimes I want to bury myself in …insert food here…. My rational brain tends to win these days because the outside of this is better than the inside.
I tend to focus on a different type of change. What’s the point on trying to get something (like an ‘ideal’ body) that is mostly out of my control? I try to focus instead on how I want to be as a person, not as a body. How to move forward and be my best self in the world.
All this has given more motivation to encourage you that overcoming the body-and-food-centric worldview is possible, even when you think it isn’t. Keep going and you will win!