Your food fears are more than just fears of getting fat or ill, they are wider than this and have more consequence than you give them credit for. I’ve been having a recurring food nightmare for some time, and suddenly have been able to unravel it. I would like to share my insights with you.
For a long time I have had a fear that the sugar I eat is going to kill me, or make me die young. In darker days, I have continually obsessed about the effect sugar is having on my body, and how I should limit my intake. And, you’ve guessed it, my intake did not reduce, it increased. I knew that it was my fear of sugar that was letting me down, but round and round the obsessive thoughts went.
I had an realisation, after wondering why I couldn’t stop the cycle of despair and food worry, that it was nothing to do with the food at all. My life has been very haphazard at the moment, as I am in the middle of a major life transition with no firm hold on reality and no security. Rather than being afraid of overeating sugar, I was actually afraid of the unknown and what the future will hold. Realising what my food fear was hiding suddenly afforded me some clarity, and best of all, some stress and food relief!
Now I know what I am actually afraid of, I can deal with each part of my fear. I break it down:
- I am scared I am overeating sugar and am going to kill myself
- I am scared that my life is running away with me and I will reach the end without me having control of it.
So I wrote two lists. One of why my beliefs about food were not true. Because noone has died from eating sugar. I was being irrational, and not actually eating that much. It was nowhere near the amount I used to consume in my binging days. I needed to clear away the surface weeds first.
My second list tackled the root issues, and involved writing out all the ways I am and can handle the changes in my life, and why my beliefs about life aren’t true. I realised that it is change, and my life will settle and slow down. I decided to add mindfulness practices into my day, and some more me-time like reading and writing to slow me down.
Instead of worrying about surface issues, I have examined what is underlying these. Some people may say it is too self-reflective, but sometimes it is necessary. So if you are caught up in your own mind-games of self-doubt and worry and anxiety, breathe. Take a step back, and realise something more than food needs your attention, your mind is crying out for soothing and issue-addressing. Be kind on yourself, and remember your food issues are not real or the actual problem. That in itself is comforting.
If you need any support on any issues I’ve raised now or in the past please don’t hesitate to get in touch!