Recently, I’ve been repeats of food issues that I thought I wouldn’t have again. This is my lesson number one: Relapse does happen! For some reason a lot of food issues I had have resurfaced, much to my dismay. I want to not care about food again, however the guilt returns. In particular, every time I eat something I think about sugar and diabetes and that I am very unhealthy and I am killing myself with my diet. Does this sound familiar?

Now I am taking a step back here. I don’t have issues about weight gain anymore when eating when I am hungry, and my weight has remained stable for the past couple of months. My clothes fit me properly again, which is a good sign. But, I am still full of ‘purity’ and ‘health’ doubts that are a severe hinderance to my wellbeing. Not to mention I am trying to finish a massive assignment by the end of March, so obviously my stress levels are high.

This made me realise that, one, my re-emerging food issues may be because of the new amount of stress in my life, and I have brought food problems back into the equation as an avoidance strategy. And, two, my supposed health problems (namely really poor digestion) are to do with my two stressors, and not my alleged eating of ‘too much’ sugar.
What’s more, my preoccupation with sugary things is brought about by a double-whammy of restrictive mentality. It’s strange cos the chocolate and biscuits I got for Christmas are still relatively untouched, but those in the shop have a strange allure…. (It’s the example of what my family gives me is okay, everything else is forbidden).

This is something that needs to change. Here are some affirmations:

I can eat all the foods I want, in and out of the supermarket
Sugar will not give me diabetes.
Sugar will not make me fat.
There is no such thing as perfect health.
My body knows what it is doing.
Get out of my own way, to a place of love for myself!

So now I am recommitting to myself to get rid of the self judgment and the fear of ‘not doing it right’. That is life, there is no such thing as ‘right’ where my diet is concerned. For I know that once I get rid of the food fears again, then my body will naturally begin to work properly and crave the things it really needs.

Change the way you think from fear to kindness, and your body will respond in turn. In order for it to work properly, you must get over the fears that are keeping you stuck. That requires facing them full on, and that is what I intend to do.

Any comments or suggestions welcome!
A.

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